Thursday, January 1, 2009

All's Quiet on New Year's Day...NOT

I think I slept in longer than I have in years today, after staying up last night long enough to welcome the new year with a few friends and family. What was left of the morning was spent slurping corned beef hash and oohing and ahhing at the Rose Parade floats. I then spent most of the afternoon rambling about on the bandwidth doing my "free marketing" of Bethany's Crossing. I've posted the link for the book in over a hundred different blog pages over the past few weeks. It's a tad tedious but my publisher highly recommends it and since its a Joint Venture, I'm expected to do my part.
I've thought about posting the kitschy, lofty, unattainable list of resolutions. Like so many of you I endeavor to read the whole Bible forty times, memorizing a bazillion elements of key scripture (directly from the Hebrew and Greek texts, after I learn to read Hebrew and Greek) there's the committment to fasting and prayer which will last about twenty minutes on Sunday morning before my stomach EATS my spine and my mind wanders off on a tangent. Oh and that size twelve pair of jeans in the bottom of my closet...and the green suede mini that hasn't graced my hindparts (not even ONE THIGH) since 1994...I'm gonna own that look March, right? And let's top it by being nice to my family, my boss, other drivers on the road, not cursing (I'll start that one tomorrow) and totally squelching the creeping insanity hormonal changes are bringing into my life. Oh yes, I almost forgot. In my spare time, since I'm totally giving up TV, I'll finish my second book, write at least fifty poems and get 12 poems published. Yeah.
Funny thing is, when I woke up to this new year, with this new my bathroom mirror was the same old double chinned, graying chick, whose heart has been skittering in her chest all day....the weariness palpable, and that gnaw in my soul - I'm tired of symptoms. I'm tired of obligations. I'm tired the struggle. All the external lists and plans and goals mean nothing if the girl inside can't get a grip. And that is the real resolution this year. I want myself back. My faith, my sense of hope...I want that all back. It's mine. and now more than ever as the world spins faster and faster....I need it.
I wish the same for you.

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