Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Fear Factor, Domestic Edition (03/17/11)

The King of the Realm, ever loyal provider that he be, offers up a morning cup of tepid steeped bean for the pleasure of the Queen of the Realm most mornings, unless the chariot is lagging or the serfs have not prepared a suitable meal for the breaking of the royal fast. Or perhaps, sage Ruler tha he be, he knows that small gift is a preventive measure against the random metamorphosis the Queen undergoes - from delicate flower to raving banshee in three....two....one...

And thus I wrapped my claws round the morning offering, savoring that moment when tepid steeped bean washes my palate with caffeinated delight. Taking a gulp (sippin's fer sissies) I rolled the umber treasure around in my mouth like a liquid Rollo - only to discover something firm...unlike the consistency of errant coffee grounds, my curiousity piqued - and I spat it out into my hand for further examination - only to find.....MOTHRA!

Since I lack the dining sensibilities of most common household arachnids - I was less than sated by this kamikaze winged abomination whos carcass caressed my tastebuds. Tossing both the contents and the cup in the sink - I obtained a fresh cup of morning ambrosia - and stomped off to my privy to scour my mouth with COMET...Sigh. I prefer my intake of protein to be presented in a more bovine form, thank you very much...

Knowing the prefunctory cleaning nature of the serfs, worse things may lurk in the bottom of a coffee cup - but somehow that morning moth put a damper on my chipper day. I found myself suspicious, jumpy...and a bit queasy for the duration of the morning. Today however - my coffee was occupant free, my boxed crossaint almost nuked completely through, the royal garments are on in the correct manner - and most of the ratty stuff adorning my dome is compliant, having succumbed to a healthy dose of Aqua Net, or whatever the stuff is in the happy pink bottle...

And so I face another day at the desk where my regal position in life is not recognised and I must tolerate the injustices of a ringing phone and paper that will not abate. But the weekend beckons and I am finally under a thousand hints on Ancestry. I have decided that once I hit below 500 - I will start back on a novel...any novel....and write something daily until I have a completed work. Two years is enough of a hiatus. Even elephants can produce something every two years.

Peace.

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