Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Fear Factor, Domestic Edition (03/17/11)

The King of the Realm, ever loyal provider that he be, offers up a morning cup of tepid steeped bean for the pleasure of the Queen of the Realm most mornings, unless the chariot is lagging or the serfs have not prepared a suitable meal for the breaking of the royal fast. Or perhaps, sage Ruler tha he be, he knows that small gift is a preventive measure against the random metamorphosis the Queen undergoes - from delicate flower to raving banshee in three....two....one...

And thus I wrapped my claws round the morning offering, savoring that moment when tepid steeped bean washes my palate with caffeinated delight. Taking a gulp (sippin's fer sissies) I rolled the umber treasure around in my mouth like a liquid Rollo - only to discover something firm...unlike the consistency of errant coffee grounds, my curiousity piqued - and I spat it out into my hand for further examination - only to find.....MOTHRA!

Since I lack the dining sensibilities of most common household arachnids - I was less than sated by this kamikaze winged abomination whos carcass caressed my tastebuds. Tossing both the contents and the cup in the sink - I obtained a fresh cup of morning ambrosia - and stomped off to my privy to scour my mouth with COMET...Sigh. I prefer my intake of protein to be presented in a more bovine form, thank you very much...

Knowing the prefunctory cleaning nature of the serfs, worse things may lurk in the bottom of a coffee cup - but somehow that morning moth put a damper on my chipper day. I found myself suspicious, jumpy...and a bit queasy for the duration of the morning. Today however - my coffee was occupant free, my boxed crossaint almost nuked completely through, the royal garments are on in the correct manner - and most of the ratty stuff adorning my dome is compliant, having succumbed to a healthy dose of Aqua Net, or whatever the stuff is in the happy pink bottle...

And so I face another day at the desk where my regal position in life is not recognised and I must tolerate the injustices of a ringing phone and paper that will not abate. But the weekend beckons and I am finally under a thousand hints on Ancestry. I have decided that once I hit below 500 - I will start back on a novel...any novel....and write something daily until I have a completed work. Two years is enough of a hiatus. Even elephants can produce something every two years.


I am the QUEEN of herpderpdom (03/14/11)

So friday I get up late, rush around my house like a cudless heifer and land in the passenger seat of the car, bleary eyed and wet haired. I look down and realize: "Oh my GOD...my pants are on inside out".....sigh

And that was the highlight of last week. There was the massive hormone induced headache on Saturday...and cramps...now let me explain something to you. The TAM does not DO cramps. (its about to get girly up in here...you mens may want to avert your eyes) Since I was 12 - I've been spoiled. No cramps. (less'n I eat a whole bag o beans and three fried eggs er su-um) So what on God's green earth am I doing now having girlie type cramps? A POX ON PREMENOPAUSE! Pause my ever lovin' backside. There is no "pause" unless your life becoming a train wreck is considered a pause. they should call it sanitypause. How about cessation of all joy. Stamp my forehead with FUBAR and put me in a rubber room. Oh and the palpitations had a lovely weekend - and I had a wonderful side of anxiety drizzled with a nice hot flash to wrap the weekend. I LOVE it.

While I was curled up Sunday evening under my favorite blankie, the hub said something to the effect of "maybe you're allergic to that blanket" I did what any loving spouse would do: I questioned his parentage, his species and his ability to procreate. Seemed fair. Only thing the ticking clock is doing to him is giving him a nice bit of silver hair, whilst I've been put in the spin cycle.

As for reality beyond my four walls, I've been watching the ache unfold in Japan, along with the rest of the planet. I'm not going off on any end of the world discussions nor do I believe that every tragedy has a God stamp on it. (God does not use Satan to test us. If he did, that would negate His Godness. The TRUTH using the KING OF LIES to test us....sigh. Not going there) I do understand a bit about plate techtonics and the fact that our "hard" earth is actually not so hard. And it wasn't so much the shaking of the earth that became the issue - but the tsunamis caused by the earthquake. My biggest prayer is that the Japanese are able to get the nuclear reactors under control. Infrastructure is a powerful thing - until its damaged and then we humans have trouble. It just makes my heart ache to see any devestation...anywhere....because I am a human too...nuff said.

And so - I've got my little Hints on ancestry down another couple hundred. Ah progress. I almost wrote a poem this weekend....almost. Perhaps it will continue to percolate...