Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Prose and Pyrite

Another day grinds to a dull end and I find myself prepping for the inevitable scourge of rush hour traffic and if I am fortunate – some prepackaged sustenance of the please don’t squirt out on my blouse kind. Home is still a few hours away and there is simply no time to ponder the complexities of my life. As usual I steal this moment, that ache in the back my throat reminding me of the beauty locked in my spirit that will never quite reach the page. I am forced to expel bits of pyrite and tinsel, cheap words easily forgotten in the blur of the cyber world.

Life is frantic, messy and painful on so many levels. I’ve killed a lot of monsters but I am bloodstained and weary from the effort. And some of them bred like bunnies, leaving scurrying furtive offspring to bite my ankle and trip me in the middle of my upswing – propelling me into that awkward face-planting downward spiral. I’m a fighter. Rough, raucous and earthy. My wings are only for stability and not flight. I am at this moment in time – ground bound.

I am not without the random aspiration slash obsessive compulsive slash ridiculously unattainable dream. That’s why I’m here. There is a writer in me somewhere. She is a prolific, tenacious creature. Asurvivor. She is not beautiful but she is loyal. She has never left me – even when I have begged her to do so. She simply amends her personality to fit the current situation – taps on my skull and says – “Let me out….please.”

And so I relent. Once again I’m on the train, hurtling at the speed of light to God knows what derailment. I’ve survived so many personal pile ups – I am no longer afraid of the careening course. I’m on it for the duration and if you read me. So are you. The difference this time? I’m in the engine room. That little girl with the freckles and the #2 pencil? She’s at the controls. Writing will come first because I want it to be so.

Peace. You know what this means. It means poetry. It means rants. It means novels. It means I’ll be giving up sleep. It means….I’m setting myself free.

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